My throat is getting worse... I barely speak... I can't sleep from my continuous cough... damn asthma. yes I figured i have asthma, I had this since I was a kid. It feels like having a cat inside your lungs, and my throat (this is what I hate the most) whenever I cough It feels my throat is being lacerated...
which makes me want to answer this question "you know you have a weak lungs, then why smoke?"
yes, that question. It's like a kid asking me about what do I like about it. And I always end up answering "Its not good, don't try it or you'll be sorry" It seems I'm giving a good advice but I'm really setting a bad example, I know smoking is not good yet I still go for it - Maybe that's what every kid see in me whenever they ask about my hobby. But still i'ts their choice to make, I just did my part. (whatever that is)
So why did I smoke?
a couple of reasons:
It's Fun. - It's fun to make smoke circles, bridge (its like making a bridge of smoke from your mouth to your nose, I even timed myself while smoking the record was 5 mins a stick. (also fun when I see someone do it)
It's Relaxing. - It is, whenever I'm stressed at work or at home, I give myself one stick or stress release. after that I feel better already.
Kill Time - whenever I'm Bored or If I have nothing to do, of If I'm waiting for something to happen, I smoke.
Reward - whenever I feel good about something I've done, or when I finish a hard task. I smoke, and it gives me a feeling of a pat in the back like "good job" (oh yes I deserve this)
[ NOTE: I LIGHTED A CIGARETTE - 10:19 am (sorry!!!! lemme just finish this stick and then it's over)
my first craving and i already failed... no worries. This will be my last EVER. I guess when trying to quit and then explaining how good smoking feels, really activates those cravings. I can't even Inhale the smoke because my sore throat, and I cough whenever I try to... Damn. Cool Idea! I'll just let it burn there on my ashtray, like Incense... what am I doing?!? (putting my cig out 10:27) ]
Saturday, Oct 31 2009 -- 10:27 - Quit Smoking (round 2)
Okay back to my reasons:
Presence - I want to look older when I was young and as you can see (if you can see my pic) I have this bad ass first impression to people. I mean when I was young I want people to see that I'm mature, grown up and I want to Imply to them "I'm Untouchable" or In our language "Astig", which is "Tigas" in reverse. In English "Solid"
"In" feeling - The feeling of being a part of a group, It's easy for me to socialize when you have common smoking habits with other people. I remembered when I was in college the one way that I got to know everyone was because I smoke, every lunch breaks, In between subjects and before going home there's always someone or a group of people outside smoking. Where automatically you get accepted because you smoke, shared a cig, or offered a lighter.
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