November 1 2009 -- 8:15 am

October 31 2009  Final Update


I suspected this to go smoothly, but I was wrong. I so failed this day like I'm not even trying to quit. Me and my family went to the cemetery to visit our loved ones, before we left the house I'm sure I'm not going to smoke today. After that visit we went home, I allowed my self to smoke one. I said to myself "It's okay... I'll just take a note of this, this is a good addition to my blog" so I logged the time.

here's the log:
6:00pm - Before Dinner
6:15pm - After Dinner
6:32pm - While in a conversation
7:12pm - While in a conversation

funny, I was supposed to allow myself to smoke ONE, but the pack was right in front of me. Since 6:00pm that night I was continuously arguing with myself on whether to smoke or not. and you know what? I failed every single time, every time I say "no" there's always some excuse for me to say "yes" like:
"c'mon smoke one you did a good job this morning"
"you just ate, It would feel much better when you smoke after eating"
"smoke another, you can write about this later"
"you have six sticks left in your pack, why don't just smoke this pack and make this your last"
I have more but that'll do...

The worst part is I was invited to a casual drinking with my cousins, while buying my beer the saleslady asked me "anything else" so I stopped to think and again had an argument and again I failed, I then bought a half pack just to survive the night with beer...

even now while I'm writing this blog I'm still trying to convince myself not to smoke, and my other self is telling me that "you can't do this cold turkey stuff, try cutting it down slowly after a pack, then half a pack, the five sticks, then one."
I always say no to myself, but every time I say "no" I feel the urge to smoke is getting stronger.

Now I ask myself should I continue with this cold turkey? or should continue smoking and gradually reduce my cigarette consumption?
And what's happening? Is my purpose for quitting not strong Enough? and I'm having doubts already... in just two days?!
oh yes quitting is a lot harder than I thought

anyway I'll have to think about it... I can do this!